indigo_rose99

Friday T came home with kittens. Which pretty much shot any attempt at productivity for the weekend. But T totally bonded with them. Me... less so. They don't always run when I come in the room. Which is progress.

We have been keeping them in the utility room, with supervised visits to the livingroom/kitchen/dining room. All other doors have been shut. They slept in the utility room last night, and I woke them when I went upstairs for my workout. This morning I bit the bullet and opened up not just the living room but my office. They have been... kittens. Chewing on cords. But sleeping a lot more than I was afraid. And mostly following me around. So it could have been a lot worse.  I practiced yelling at them when the chewing was on something that was either dangerous to them or expensive. 

They are somewhat cute. However, I dislike the invasion of my space. The way my husband has become a space cadet who cannot finish tasks (because.... kittens!). I am surprised at how large they are. I seem to remember our last kittens being... smaller and much cuter in the beginning. These came through an animal shelter, who I suspect have rules on how young they adopt out. Our last pair came through my mother-in-law. 

Mother's Day felt like a sour experience. People this year kept wishing me happy Mother's Day all weekend and for several days after. I kept up my internal monologue ("They don't know me." and "They mean well.") and managed to (mostly) say Thank You without any extras. It seems like a day designed to remind me that I have no mother or grandmother or even mother-in-law in my life.  I'm trying not to hate it, but it would be easier without the constant reminders. I think it was because I spent most of the time around the day surrounded by strangers.

My flight home was no help. I sat on a row with a mother and her adult son. She gave me new insight into what happens when well off kids with helicopter parents grow up. Sheesh. If he is adult enough to drink alcohol, you should not be lending him your credit card. But trying not to watch them together was... She was so much the mother. Doing mother-like things. It felt alien and yet so familiar. 

 I'm watching a lot of training these days. I was watching a presentation that mentioned that in 2014 the Chapman Survey on American Fears included "Public Speaking" in the top 5 American Fears. But by 2016, it is no longer in the top 5. In fact, according to the Chapman blog, as of the 2017 survey public speaking is down in number 52!

 Two weeks ago I did a donation run and gave up my beloved Keen sandals. They were neutral, they handled water, they.... hurt too much to wear for over a year. 

So I have had several gaps in my shoe wardrobe. 

• Something neutral but dressy. No heavy walking or extended standing. Something I could possibly wear to a church or funeral or job interview. Something that could possibly be worn with formal wear would be great (but is probably too much to ask). Something that does not look so clunky as my teaching shoes.
• Sandals. Preferably water proof. Goes with shorts or skirt. Something really comfortable. Cute would be a nice bonus.

I went shopping with friends recently and found several solutions. Both are at least reasonably comfortable and significantly more attractive than the clunky things I have been wearing.

• Abeo PRO System Encina. I was dubious, as it appeared far too slim and nice looking for my feet to accept. But the sales guy put in a custom foot bed to do something magical to my metatarsalgia. Wearing this doesn't hurt, as much as I keep expecting it to. He claimed that the foot bed somehow spreads out the bones in my foot in just the right place to prevent pain. Yay! I wore them for a full week of work (not teaching) and only came up with a light blister on a heel from energetic walking between buildings.
• Jambu Cherry Blossom in black. No knowledgeable sales person this time, they just looked cute. And I figured that the toe section would cut across the most painful part of the ball of my foot and they would be off my feet in 3 seconds flat. But no. SO COMFORTABLE! Plus they are super cute and go well with slacks or a skirt. They are my new favorite shoes for going through life (not gardening or running). I haven't put them through the serious walking test yet, but for light walking they have been wonderful. They make me happy every time I put them on. I no longer feel like a shoe freak wearing old woman clogs.

 My uncle has always been in the background of my life.

Some of my earliest memories of my uncle and aunt have a bit of disapproval radiating from her (I think she thought kids were too noisy and unrestrained), but really cool gifts. They always lived far away, and their visits had the taste of the exotic. 

As I grew older and saw them at family reunions, my uncle grew to be the one filled with unexpected surprises. He brought a potato cannon one year and the family spent quite a bit of time attempting to hit different targets and discussing the relative merits of size-matching when choosing potatoes. By the potato cannon year it didn't even surprise me, that was just the kind of thing my uncle did.

When I went to college on the East Coast, my parents were unable to visit for a variety of logistical reasons. My aunt and uncle came instead. They came like clockwork to every family event, year after year. They took me shopping and out to dinner those times when having Family Show Up was critically important to me. 

As I drifted into adult life of job and marriage and work travel, my aunt and uncle were the family we visited the most often (after my own parents). After my parents died, they have been really the heart of my family ties. 

My uncle died recently. Not unexpected. He has been going this way for a while. I'm happy for my aunt, because I hope this will provide her a freedom to do the things she wants that she has not had as an adult. But I still miss the chaos that he would bring to every otherwise logical interaction. "You put a WHAT next to your mail box?!"  "What was the tennis court for if neither of you plays tennis?" "You want to make bookshelves out of that?! But they aren't level!" He had this crazy way of approaching problems. His solutions were so strange! And the kind of strange that often involved duct tape. 

It turns out that school shootings have been happening for a much longer time than I had any idea.

People keep talking about "The number of school shootings this year is..." and then they will name a number that just seems insane. So I went looking for a reference and some data. Wikipedia is our friend. Without too much trouble, I even pulled the data into some statistical software and started making graphs to answer my curious questions.

How many deaths and injuries have there been in school shootings? United States only. Each point in the following graph is an incident. There is a red and blue point for each shooting incident -- red x for deaths, blue point for injuries.


Yes, there was one in the 1700s. Cray. 



Everyone keeps talking about how the number of shooting incidents is going up. Is it? I mean, it kinda looked like the points in the above graph were becoming more dense as we move toward the present. What if I summarize the data by year? Are recent years getting worse? Each point in the graph below is a year. The top black points are the number of shooting incidents in that year. The bottom graph is the deaths and injuries that year.


When looking at the above graph, when did the number of incidents start taking a turn upward? In a no-statistics-tests way I played with the graph and it looks like it happened sometime in the 1960s.

How does this year (2018) compare to past years? It seems a bit unfair to strictly compare ALL of the data in past years to just this point in 2018, so I made a subset of the data that made the above graph to include only incidents that happened up to this point in the year.



And the same graph, with 2018 highlighted.



To me, it looks like at least one past year had more incidents up to this point. But 2018 has had more deaths, more injuries when compared to previous years up to this day of the year.

More information and better graphs does not make this any less depressing.

We now have a cat litter box (still in box), a bag of cat litter, and a bag of kitten chow. T is cursing Amazon for not delivering the warming kitten bed on time. reedrover , T really liked your heated bed suggestion. I suspect one appearing is in our immediate future. 

Our friend W is visiting this weekend. I'm delighted to see her again. I've missed having my fashion adviser locally available for me to have the "How about these?" conversations.

Saturday T said to us, "How would you like to spend your day? We can go pick out kittens or go couch shopping, your choice." *my horrified expression* W was more than willing to do either. I wanted a third option. Ugh. My last couch shopping marathon with T was a horribly nightmare that ended with me hating all couch manufacturers. I'm convinced that they only make couches for people over 6'10". 

W suggested we hit La-Z-Boy furniture place. Oh, how I've missed you, W. Because it was a genius suggestion. As usual, I walked in and told the person what I wanted. "Something where my feet hit the floor. I am not 5 years old, and I don't want to feel like I am. I want my back to hit the back, and my feet to rest comfortably on the floor. And I'd like it in leather. Reclining optional. I'm flexible on color." And they had two! Two quite acceptable options! I was in shock. I picked the one that felt slightly more comfortable when I closed my eyes. Reclining with a lever (more durable than electric, I think). Yay, couch! We've been talking about this for more than a year and had no shopping luck! 

My aunt M called this morning. My uncle D is finally gone. The funeral is next month. She sounded together and frazzled at the same time. I hope this means her life can become something more like what she wants it to be. I always thought her life would be different without him. I'm hoping it will be different in a good way. 

No kittens yet. 

I'm listening to the president's suggestion that teachers get concealed carry licenses and then additional training for dealing with active shooter situations in the school

A few years ago I took a concealed carry class. It was for Texas, not Florida. But it gave me a sense of what is involved. I took a class, a written test, and a shooting test. I believe that everyone in my class passed all of the tests. All three were easy. Yes, even the shooting test was SO EASY. The required targets were pitifully easy to hit. And I'm not that great of a shot! Some of my fellow students didn't know how to load a gun! This training would NOT prepare me to go against an active shooter. Not at all. Not even a little bit. 

The only thing that class taught me was that if I decide to use any form of lethal force against someone (gun, baseball bat, knife), I should be prepared to face the legal consequences of my actions. There is no pass for using deadly force just because I have a concealed carry license.  Whatever the situation, I would have to decide that avoiding the alternative (not using deadly force and whatever the person decided to do)  is worth any price I would have to pay.

The president also suggested that the teachers get additional training on top of the concealed carry licenses. Given my experience in the concealed carry class, I have tried to imagine what that would take. It would be a LOT of training. Many hours. A great deal of money and a huge amount of time. Further, this training would need to be regularly refreshed.  These teachers would have to get the equivalent of the very best training in weapons use in large crowds of friendly students. We don't want the teachers accidentally hitting their students!

My independent Texas soul likes the idea of teachers defending their students. But... where would the teachers get the money to pay for this training? And this training would be on top of their regular job... WHEN would they find the time to do it?  Most teachers get paid so little that they have to get second jobs in the summer to make ends meet. I want teachers focusing on being the best teachers for their students. This training sounds like the time equivalent of a second job, but without the pay.

I have told everyone. I told the new company I'm taking the new job. I told my current boss that I am quitting. Within 15 minutes of doing so, I felt so much less stressed. I guess having all my balls rolling in the same direction is less stressful than having them crash against each other in my head.  

So yeah. I'm changing jobs. I have a plane ticket for middle of next month to go to a week of orientation. More likely 2 days of orientation then several days of following people around and asking lots of questions. I volunteered for the last part. It seems like a good and fast way to both meet people, learn a ton of stuff about processes, and convince others I'm human and can be asked questions in return.

In the meantime, I'm winding down on this job. Trying to finish up my biggest current project. Making lists for the person who will take over my job. In spite of my many efforts to the contrary, lots of things are only in my head. Must write it all down! My poor replacement... He has a lot of reading ahead of him.

So T's idea was "If you are making a hugely stressful life change, we might as well get kittens now and get it all over with. ...Right?" Yesterday he bought kitten chow and was looking at litter in the grocery store. This morning I discovered that the huge box that was delivered yesterday was actually a cat litter box. I'm trying to remember that kittens are generally adorable and purr, but the idea of sharing my space with two other beings is... ick. I hate the idea. Only true love for T could convince me that this is inevitable (not a "Good Idea," just inevitable). We've been without a cat now for a little over a year. But the last one was outdoors. I still miss him, but there is a big difference between 2 indoor kittens into EVERYTHING and an outdoor cat who thought my lap was a wonderful place to hang out for 45 minutes. T just hopes I can avoid killing them until they become fat lazy cats.

So as my old job winds down and before the new job kicks into overdrive, I will likely have some time to so some hobby stuff. Not sure how I can fit in more paintings, but perhaps some of my other hobbies...

I hate change. Hate it, hate it, hate it!

Big life changes are particularly scary. Yesterday just before going out on my Valentine's date with T, I got both the job offer and the money number. It is.... respectable. And more than I'm making now. Enough more to make a difference in the mortgage payment that is ballooning in March because the mortgage company CAN demand I pay that much. T thinks I should just flat take the new job. I'm going to meet with my current boss this morning and talk about the future of my current company and job. And of course, if he can at least attempt to match the new job offer. I told the HR guy for the new job that I would at the latest give him an answer on Thursday.

Ack, but this is terrifying. I hate the thought of leaving my current company. So many things undone! I would totally want to take 2 weeks to just finish out the things I'm working on.  Which leads directly to the thought of what if my current boss cannot match their offer? Or attempt to? So much change! 

More travel. Expected 25% for at least a year or longer. Domestic only to middle-of-nowhere. And still persistent travel to the same boring location after that, but perhaps a little less often.  

I haven't worked for a large corporation in... um... 16 years? I'm out of practice in adjusting to the weird things large corporations demand of their employees. Ok, yes, I now view them as weird. Small companies are surprisingly flexible about things. 

Ugh. Just working through my freaking out.