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indigo_rose99Over the weekend I had a dream.
I was in my college dorm. Well, visiting it. In the dream, it was still being used for PEG (though in reality it is now the military dorm). I was on the first floor and I rushed to greet a familiar face. J was a friend my last two years in college, though she disappeared from my life in the end of the last year. I was happy to see her. While chatting with J, my friend D came up behind me. Hey, if J and I were visiting PEG, D's presence was unsurprising. She even lives closer.
D and I have been and are much closer than J. So when D suggested we step outside to talk privately, I didn't blink. We stepped out the front door. I don't know what D wanted to talk to me about. In the dream, I knew that both our families and friends have been through Some Stuff in the past few years. It could have been any of that. I didn't let her talk first. I told her that I had been diagnosed with cancer. I told her that I had told the doctors "No life-extending care" and only to give me "Quality of Life care." D didn't take it well.
I woke up when I started crying.
I'm fine. I don't have cancer (to the best of my knowledge). However, the cancer deaths near me (college roommate B, mother-in-law, brother G...) and the recent diagnosis of one of T's close friends at work may be getting to me. T suggested that I take G's genetic testing to a doctor and talk about what this means for me. A sensible suggestion. Based on the dream, I feel like I'm really likely to get cancer. Based on my family history, I do have a better chance at cancer than Jane-on-the-street.
I was in my college dorm. Well, visiting it. In the dream, it was still being used for PEG (though in reality it is now the military dorm). I was on the first floor and I rushed to greet a familiar face. J was a friend my last two years in college, though she disappeared from my life in the end of the last year. I was happy to see her. While chatting with J, my friend D came up behind me. Hey, if J and I were visiting PEG, D's presence was unsurprising. She even lives closer.
D and I have been and are much closer than J. So when D suggested we step outside to talk privately, I didn't blink. We stepped out the front door. I don't know what D wanted to talk to me about. In the dream, I knew that both our families and friends have been through Some Stuff in the past few years. It could have been any of that. I didn't let her talk first. I told her that I had been diagnosed with cancer. I told her that I had told the doctors "No life-extending care" and only to give me "Quality of Life care." D didn't take it well.
I woke up when I started crying.
I'm fine. I don't have cancer (to the best of my knowledge). However, the cancer deaths near me (college roommate B, mother-in-law, brother G...) and the recent diagnosis of one of T's close friends at work may be getting to me. T suggested that I take G's genetic testing to a doctor and talk about what this means for me. A sensible suggestion. Based on the dream, I feel like I'm really likely to get cancer. Based on my family history, I do have a better chance at cancer than Jane-on-the-street.
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Date: 2017-10-11 03:02 pm (UTC)