Life tool for cats and marriage

[indigo_rose99]

Sometimes we learn useful things in the oddest places.  Twenty-something years ago I was trapped in an RV with my parents making our way across... Well, who knows.  It was one of many long drives in those years.  My father liked to listen to radios or tapes, and on this particular trip was listening to a (now familiar-sounding) taped male voice give life advice.  The speaker had clear opinions about women.  He felt that women belonged in the home, taking care of the children while the menfolk went out and earned the money.  I managed not to grind my teeth at the time.  Prejudiced pig. 

Still, he said something that I still remember.  He told wives that when they knew their husband was coming home to freshen up.  A little makeup, something like that.  Clean, freshen up the children.  Greet the husband at the door. Don't start with problems.  Don't start with complaints, don't list the things the children need to be punished for.  Give him a chance to come in, be greeted, relax, take off his tie.

Ok, putting aside the gender roles, he did have a point.  It was a point I forgot for years as I was not in a relationship, but still... 
A year or so ago I spent an hour or more almost every day visiting with my neighbor's cat.  A while back my neighbor and I were discussing why his shy cat seems to respond to me better than other visitors my neighbor sends her way.  He hypothesized that I come through a different door, make different noises.  I told him, "Oh, no! I greet her when I walk through the door!  I talk to her as I walk around the house.  She just recognizes my voice."  Hmmm... "So, kinda like I greet her when I walk in the house?", he asked.  "It seems to make her happy."  Yep. I totally agree.

For most of the sixteen years of my marriage, if I am home before my husband and he comes home, I run to greet him at the door. I do this even if he left only 10 minutes before.  I married a chameleon, so he does it to me, too.  It feels nice when I come home, though I sometimes have mixed feelings about the Hobbes-style to his greetings.

But for a lasting positive relationship, with cats or significant others... A solid and consistently positive greeting is a step in the right direction.   Good relationship advice?  That was it from me.

Comments

[reedrover]

Don't start with problems. Don't start with complaints,

Yeah, I had to learn that lesson the hard way. Once upon seven years ago, I used to pounce on Achaosofkittens with everything about my day - expecially the bad stuff - the minute he walked in the door. All he wanted to do was enjoy the quiet and soak up the fact that he was home, and all I wanted to do was unload. We had to come to an agreement about timing that a little better before he went from irritated-about-commute to murderous-rage-at-girlfriend as a general habit at the doorway.

[cat-napp.livejournal.com]

M and I do something similar, parodying the 60's-style sitcom greeting of "Honey, I'm home!" I started it initially because I wanted to telegraph to M that I was back in the house, so he wouldn't be taken by surprise at an unexpected second person moving around in the rooms. It soon became a game, quickly joined by other iconic TV and advertisement sayings such as "Stove Top Stuffing instead of potatoes? Honey, I love you!" Having something to smile or laugh about when coming home really does make a big difference to the day.