Cowardice or wearing my purple hat?
Mar. 24th, 2006 08:07 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
indigo_rose99I'm not a social person. In the sense that, I hate being around a lot of strangers. I'm perfectly happy being around a group of people that I know & feel comfortable with. Doesn't everyone? ...Ok, so some people like strangers. I don't understand why, but they do.
My Friday evenings have been feeling a bit... empty. So I agreed to attend a ballroom dance class that one of my friends and her boyfriend (oddly, my brother), and my old dance buddy.
I got directions and I arrived too early. Or, I would have arrived too early had I known where I was going. I drove around in circles trying to find this really unmarked place until I actually arrived pretty much perfectly on time. Went in to be surrounded by -- you can see this coming, can't you? -- strangers. They clustered. They chatted. I finally figured out that money should change hands, and where it should happen. I stood in what could loosely be called a line and waited for a familiar face.
I waited for what felt like about 45 minutes and was probably more like 2 minutes. I wanted to scream at the incredibly, amazingly slow people in front of me. I wanted to rant at the incompetent failing to take money from me and all of the people behind me. But what I slowly realized was that, it could be worse. I could actually reach the counter and hand over money and could still be standing there surrounded by strangers. Then I would have the guilt of having paid money trapping me there. And what would be worse than that?! Oh, yes, I could imagine that as well: Trying to ask for my money back.
So I left. I hate strangers. I like dance, but not that much.
I called all of the cell phone numbers I had (dance buddy's) and got voice mail.
Was I being a coward and giving in to my fears? Or refusing to bow to social pressure (the pressure that I'm sure my friend and brother will bring on me when they read this --- "Where where you?") and doing my own thing, which will make me a lot happier?
*sigh*
Note: Yes, I know about the Red Hat Society. I just never liked red that much. I like purple a lot better. It's a personal thing.
My Friday evenings have been feeling a bit... empty. So I agreed to attend a ballroom dance class that one of my friends and her boyfriend (oddly, my brother), and my old dance buddy.
I got directions and I arrived too early. Or, I would have arrived too early had I known where I was going. I drove around in circles trying to find this really unmarked place until I actually arrived pretty much perfectly on time. Went in to be surrounded by -- you can see this coming, can't you? -- strangers. They clustered. They chatted. I finally figured out that money should change hands, and where it should happen. I stood in what could loosely be called a line and waited for a familiar face.
I waited for what felt like about 45 minutes and was probably more like 2 minutes. I wanted to scream at the incredibly, amazingly slow people in front of me. I wanted to rant at the incompetent failing to take money from me and all of the people behind me. But what I slowly realized was that, it could be worse. I could actually reach the counter and hand over money and could still be standing there surrounded by strangers. Then I would have the guilt of having paid money trapping me there. And what would be worse than that?! Oh, yes, I could imagine that as well: Trying to ask for my money back.
So I left. I hate strangers. I like dance, but not that much.
I called all of the cell phone numbers I had (dance buddy's) and got voice mail.
Was I being a coward and giving in to my fears? Or refusing to bow to social pressure (the pressure that I'm sure my friend and brother will bring on me when they read this --- "Where where you?") and doing my own thing, which will make me a lot happier?
*sigh*
Note: Yes, I know about the Red Hat Society. I just never liked red that much. I like purple a lot better. It's a personal thing.
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no subject
Date: 2006-03-27 01:09 am (UTC)you get points for going, and you get points for giving one of your friends a heads-up that you weren't staying (even if it was via voicemail - not your fault they didn't answer their phone), and you get mega-points for making the right decision and doing what made you happy and comfortable.
i do think that going to ballroom dance class sounds like fun, but i think it needs to be fun on your terms. i.e., one of your friends / dance buddies needs to either meet you somewhere and carpool / caravan over with you, or meet you in the parking lot at N o'clock (with the specific understanding that if they're more than 10 minutes late and haven't called your cell phone to let you know they're stuck at work / in traffic / wherever, then you're going to bail).
i'm all for having fun on a friday night. the operative word being "fun," not "personal hell that i ended up in accidentally in pursuit of something fun." the nice thing about being an adult is that you get to make your own choices on what's fun or not; the hard thing about being an adult is learning to do so without beating yourself up about it.
(i'm so still working on that... i skipped a caving trip this weekend because i was underslept, overstressed, and getting a cold - definitely the right decision, but i still feel like a lamer. *sigh*)