Feeling the doom

[indigo_rose99]

Last night T and my phones rang 30 seconds apart, both in the same room with me.  I answered his phone and took it to him.  My conversation was much shorter, so I got to listen to him assure his aunt that her sister (his mom) is doing better.  Afterward, I asked him why he was so positive in his call.  I strongly implied that he was lying to his aunt.  My mother-in-law is not doing better. 

Yes, she breathes easier on the oxygen than she did without it.  But the latest news is that the lung cancer has moved into her bones.  This is not the sign of a woman improving.  This is the sign of her cancer progressing.  The websites I have been reading on it predict that she should expect increased pain in her joints and bones.   Her doctor evidently told her that she had six months.... six months ago.  The websites say that this sort of thing is an estimate.  I know about estimates.  It is an educated guess.  I have zero evidence that the doctor even used data in his educated guess.  Given how historical data analysis of humans go... most of these things are based on averages.  A single human being is not an average.  She could die tomorrow.  She could live another year.  I don't think she really wants to live another year, but she might do it.

I have spent the past two weeks researching independent living facilities for my father-in-law.  We have two tours set up for Saturday.   My next task is to research in-home hospice care for my mother-in-law.  Neither of them need these services currently, but everyone wants to be prepared to jump when the time comes.  Evidently, I am the Which Direction To Jump researcher.

Comments

[reedrover]

Oh, man, I feel for you. You are a strong and organized woman, obviously, if you can keep your shit together and stay on top of the hard decision facts like that. Wow/argh/sigh.

Regarding the "six months to live" issue, I totally agree that it is a set of magic-8 balls and a chart of averages. My grandfather's prostate cancer metastisized into his bones, and, when the doctor made that diagnosis, he was given 6 months to 2 years to live. Basically, he was told to go make his final plans and get his affairs in order. ... Ten and a half years later (and a broken hip, 2 pneumonias, and a move to assisted living), we are vaguely already discussing his birthday plans for June.

[livingdeb.livejournal.com]

Wow, that's ... wow. I'd always heard that diagnoses tend to be overly optimistic, because doctors are people and can't help hoping for the best.

[reedrover]

Yeah, it's been an interesting time with Grandpa's medical day-to-day. None of his doctors can figure out why he's still alive. ::sarcastic shrug:: Don't look at an x-ray, though, because that won't help answer the question. He is over a foot shorter than he used to be due to loss of bone structure. The collapse of his frame has caused chronic pneumonia. His blood pressure is through the roof, even with drugs. His sodium count - as taken on the day he went on a tour of the Jelly Belly Factory - was so low that he should have been comatose (fixed now). He broke his hip a year ago, and ended up with a bed-sore wound that wouldn't heal because he has no immune system left to fight it. In the meantime, that broken hip healed right back up as though his bones were doing just fine...

::grin:: We just figure that the smoking and the drinking he did for 50 years (he quit smoking "for the grandkids") preserved him like jerky, and now he's too tough to die of something minor like, oh, everything being out of warrenty. No one dies of "old age" anymore, but he's sure trying.

[livingdeb.livejournal.com]

It might be fair to say she's doing better (because she's breathing better) if it's just going without saying that she's not actually healing. However, if she's still horribly depressed, I'd have to agree that she's not doing better.

On the other hand it's hard to think that about your own mom and to tell that to your own aunt. It's much more fun to focus on the few things that are going well.

Hang in there, and is it wrong to want you to be the executor of my will?

[indigo-rose99.livejournal.com]

Terribly, terribly wrong. I may have to kill you before you can possibly change your will. *smile*

[livingdeb.livejournal.com]

That's what I figured. Just making sure.

[raaga123.livejournal.com]

*Hugs* Let me know what I can do to help out.

[mr-efficient.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry that you and Travis have to go through this. But he's very lucky, as he goes through this, to have you with him.

[indigo-rose99.livejournal.com]

T and his brother are both lovely, very nice people. I am happy enough that I do not have to make the tough decisions this time. I just do the research.

[ovrclokd.livejournal.com]

*hug*

[steelgoh.livejournal.com]

*hug* too!

Anything I can help with on hospice?

[indigo-rose99.livejournal.com]

I could really use some advice on questions to ask/look up on their websites.

So far I've got:
* Do you do background checks on your employees?
* Cost?
* What insurance do you accept?
* How long have you been in business?
* Is there a waiting list for your services?
* What if the person you send is not working out for us? What are our options? Can we entirely cancel our contract with you?

I am positive I am missing out on logical questions to ask. Suggestions very welcome!