Heights

[indigo_rose99]

As I have grown older, some things have changed.  I no longer think broccoli is yucky.  When given a choice between having a fingernail pulled off with pliers or eating asparagus, I no longer choose the fingernail. 

But my fear of heights has not changed.

This July 4th, raaga123 proposed avoiding the crowds, noise and sun of downtown fireworks and spending it instead at their place.  See the movie Hancock (not as bad as I was afraid, though more one movie condensed to an hour then attached on to its sequel for another half hour), then hang out by a pool, soak in a hot tub, maybe watch a DVD in air conditioning, and finally watch the fireworks from their roof.  She explained that their roof is particularly flat and comfortable.  I got the impression she and chikuru go there often.

I imagined that some never-before-seen door or window on their second floor had access to the roof.  I imagined that climbing out would require a bit of flexibility, but otherwise would be no more difficult than looking out a window of a plane as it takes off.  I was terrible, horribly wrong.

When it came time to watch the fireworks, I was a bit confused initially when chikuru led us out the front door.  A few feet from the door was a six foot tall ladder.  He proceeded to demonstrate "getting on the roof."  First of all, let me point out that chikuru is MUCH MUCH MUCH taller than I am.  Second of all, the ladder swayed.  A LOT.  Third of all, the very top of the ladder came absolutely Nowhere Near the roof.  When he stood on top of the ladder and I was standing just outside the front door, I could see that the distance between the top of the ladder and the roof was longer than his entire inseam.

I realized instantly that the only way I was getting on the roof was to go next.  T held the ladder for me, which was really the only reason I got on it.  I managed to find myself on the roof only hyperventilating. 

chikuru helped everyone else on the roof, then gave us a demo of how it was such a lovely roof for a city view by casually walking up it.  raaga123 followed.  I plastered myself almost completely flat and tried to breath.  Inching my way to the top of the roof took quite a while.  The view was lovely.  I tried not to think about getting down.

In fact, every other person seemed to think that this was a lovely roof.  They casually walked around, and told me that the fireworks were much more visible from a standing position.  Crazy people.  

And when it came time to get down?  They all walked down to the edge.  Walked.  Seriously. 

I inched down.  Jean shorts were great for protecting my legs.  I went down after there was someone at the bottom to hold the ladder.  The trick was focusing on how they told me to move my leg to be in the correct position to catch the ladder.

I got down fine, then promptly fell apart.  I think I wigged out my hosts and my husband, who had no idea that I felt this strongly about heights.  Hey, it was a surprise to me, too.

 

Comments

[chikuru.livejournal.com]

I was very impressed when you agreed to climb the ladder in the first place and even more impressed when you let yourself back down onto the ladder without a moment's hesitation even though it was clearly stressful for you. You rock!

Next year, we'll have that window put in.

[raaga123.livejournal.com]

Not wigged out, no. A little startled and sorry; startled because you had come down with so little fuss or hesitation that I had no idea what you were going through, and sorry to have inadvertently put you through that.

And very impressed. It takes guts to face your fears like that without balking.

[ovrclokd.livejournal.com]

*hug*

go, you! what a long way you've come from the first time T took us climbing in texas... :)

[indigo-rose99.livejournal.com]

*hug back*

I thought I had come a long way, too, but Friday felt like I had come no distance at all.

[pamwheatfree.livejournal.com]

I, too, have a fear of falling. I am good on a plane but not on a tall building. I don't seem to worry about roofs. The real problem is the edge, I do not want to go near the edge or look over the edge. I can stand on the middle of the roof. There is no logic in it since I am usually just as safe in the middle as near an edge with a barrier - such as the Eiffel Tower. My friends had to push me to the barrier and have me look at them instead of down. It does something odd to the stomach. I am proud of you for doing what had to be done. Logic overcomes fear. Sometimes it has to.

[indigo-rose99.livejournal.com]

I think that if it had been a flat roof, I would have had a much easier time once I was up on it. But the fact that the entire thing slanted DOWN DOWN DOWN had me completely freaked.

Heights behind windows (airplane windows, hotel windows, way top of building windows) barely bother me at all. The glass makes me feel safe, I think. It is only when there is nothing but AIR and gravity is pulling me down that I...

One time I was with friends at the Cliffs of Mohr. They wanted to take a great picture of me in front of the cliffs with no barrier. So I'm standing just inches in front of this ENORMOUS drop... I had to back into it. Seriously. I could only look at them and took steps back only exactly as they told me to. I faked out my mind because there was solid level ground as far as my eye could see. ... It was a really good picture. T has it on his desk.